Wednesday, January 01, 2025

Finally, Casa Bonita

We didn't account for the tree.

Casa Bonita was open when I first moved here. But not for long. The COVID-19 pandemic struck, the Lakewood institution closed its doors, its parent declared bankruptcy, and it seemed I missed my chance. Colorado media continually asked about its status, but hopes for reopens never seemed bright. 

Enter Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Fresh off the latest syndication contract for South Park, which landed them $800 million, they announced they bought Casa Bonita and planned to renovate and revive it. 

But they ran into 30 years of deferred maintenance and other issues. When they finally opened, each month's block of tickets vanished in minutes. I wanted to go. But when?

My dear friend Rob was kind enough to ask if I would be a sixth in a party that already had five. I couldn't wait to reply. 

Having wondered how I would get to Casa Bonita when everyone I knew in Colorado would probably find their way there with another group, I wondered no more. How better to experience such a place than with a friend of 20-plus years?

Cliff diver
After some strong winter in early November, our date arrived with 50 degrees and sun, optimal conditions for Colorado between October and May. We milled outside for a bit before they ushered us in, gave us a brief Casa Bonita primer (you have an hour at your table, so wait on the attractions because you can stay as long as you like after you eat) and brought us to the second floor. 

It's a spectacle, to be sure. Meant to mimic a Mexican village, the tables are set among fake palm trees and rock formations, with a waterfall and splash pool at the center of things. 

The food might not have been worth $50. My Colorado friends warned me the food was truly awful - you went for the experience, and maybe some sopapillas. In the purchase announcement, Parker said he four-year-old mentioned how bad the food was, and that it has to be overly bad to register with someone that young.  

Still, green chile brisket was probably a much better option than what preceded the new ownership. Chips and salsa came with the meal, and it concluded with an order of the fabled sopapillas (one free per table). They were quite tasty, even though I ended up with honey on my hands and jeans.

Lest we forget...

With brief warning, we were given notice that it was diving time. From our second-floor table, we appeared to have a prime spot, were it not for the faux rock formation in our direct path. 

The cliff divers assembled. In their red swimsuits, they strolled around the rocks before taking the 20-foot dive into the pool. Only they may dive; anyone else who attempts a dive earns a trip to jail and a permanent Casa Bonita ban. Imitate Eric Cartman, and you are guaranteed to follow him to jail and never enjoy Casa Bonita again. 

After a few rounds of cliff divers and a stop through the arcade, we entered the closed theatre for a magic show. It ended up being pretty entertaining. 

The puppet shows have resumed, and brought a crowd each time to the little set of seats near Black Bart's Cave. The gorilla in gym shorts has been replaced with ManBearPig, a creature from the show seemingly created by Al Gore for attention but later proven to be real.

We maneuvered through the confines of Black Bart's Cave, where Black Bart is most definitely not hiding, as the sign will tell you. A little series of tubs announces the presence snakes, and forced air tickles your hand if you dare to test them.

Mostly I was glad to see Rob, since we often go 5-6 years between visits. This time, we went a scant seven months. And by making friends with Rob's friends, I will only go a scant four months between Casa Bonita visits, because it's fun, silly, and the much-lambasted food didn't offend the senses. 

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