The dye was passed

UN Ambassador John Bolton raises the ire of many people, but for me, the only genuine reason to oppose his nomination comes down to one simple thing: white mustache, brown hair.

That mustache is a freak of nature, some mutation never meant for a man, especially one broadcasting American interests to the world. Don't give me that "It's my style" line, either; it looks ridiculous. No more than the vain men with sluggish toupees, you fool no one about your age.

Slap some brown dye on that strainer and we'll talk, Mr. Ambassador. If you survive the nomination process, a line item in the budget does not seem unreasonable. Attach a mustache dye rider to a bill if you must; that's an expense the American people will forgive.

Or let it go -- as long as you're not sporting a nasty scar underneath it (the sole reason my father keeps his intact), you'll live through it well. Your upper lip might feel colder in the short term, but your nation will no longer have to endure the travesty of those walrus bristles.