The heckler's hand

In the media, we receive anonymous criticism all the time. One curmudgeon repeatedly sends me copies of my own column correcting grammar mistakes - always in an envelope with no return address.

But yesterday's heckler took the prize. What started off as a letter to the editor (complete with an illustration of how teasing a future recluse in school led to him severely injuring a cheerleader) followed a very different turn.
He dropped this prose on me:
"P.S. Keep Bill Melville to a minimum. He's digusting (Those glasses and sideburns! Shudder)"

I haven't laughed so hard at criticism in a long time. Partly because he obviously didn't comphrehend the guy who writes the columns is the same guy who decides which letters go into the paper. Partly because I haven't been called disgusting ....ever. I earned the laughter of my entire junior high school when I accidently walked into the girls' bathroom (thank God it was the next-to-last day of the school year), but not disgusting.

The glasses I need. And the ladies like the sideburns .... or at least that's what they tell me.

So how do I respond? I thought about calling and telling him I'd do my best to get two columns into his local paper every week since he appreciated them so much.

Riding my bike home from the barber shop this morning something much better dawned on me: I should take my headshot, have the photo department blow it up to 8X10, then send it to him signed, "Thanks for your praise and thanks for reading, Your hero, ...."

But really, it's all too much effort for one mad reader. I'm content to be digusting, and have no time to be disgusted.