Been Burned, and With Both Eyes Screaming Out

Just once, I want a nice relaxing canoe trip. A float down the river, some fun twists and turns, and a few good glances at wildlife.

Good looks were in rare supply, as I could barely keep my eyes open for 10 seconds at a time. The casual observer would have thought me either incredibly stoned (not in the least) or freshly maced (no more jokes from me about wanting to see bear mace tested on a human).

As District 9 taught me, a little innocent spray from the wrong bottle can turn the world upside down.

The sun lotion I applied did not cause me to break out in alien features. But a few sprays of the lotion scorched my eyes. I did not spray it directly into them; a 90-degree morning will sweep any substance off your forehead in no time flat.

By running, I've grown familiar with the momentary burn of lotion hitting the eyes. This time, it refused to fade, hanging with me for the entire trip.

The best diagnosis we could make was an allergic reaction.
I can only describe the feeling as "knives under eyelids." Flushing with water provided no more than 10 seconds of relief; the pummeling sunshine and lack of a canopy above the river didn't help.

With the drop-off point in the middle of nowhere, I had no choice but to paddle five miles back to the campground. Between strokes, I commonly splashed river water into my face, blissful at the second of relief.

Despite beaching the boat and catching it in some shallow spots, paddling wasn't the problem. Focusing my eyes on anything was. At the entrance creek to the Piney, I couldn't spot a snake coiled on a rock 10 feet away. Through squints and blinks I made the first stop, took a few dives in the river and a few flushes with bottled water to no avail. I couldn't even stand in the sun.

I saw my friends, Wade and Jen, atop the infamous giant river rock and just kept paddling. I passed the few trouble spots quickly, the lower water levels adding to the difficult. An hour after I landed at the campground, most spent deep in the foliage away from the sun, the knives finally dulled. I can only credit the extend sunlight break and the cadre of campers meandering through songs by the Band, Bob Dylan and Lynyrd Skynrd. I forgot how well Maggie's Farm sums up the corporate life.

By nightfall, the only burn was the low-level heat of a day with too much sunshine.

I really want to enjoy kayaking, and have on Newport Beach's Back Bay and after rains left the Piney swollen. But so far 2010 has not been a banner year on the water, just flashes of unintended drama.

Maybe I just need a new river, or need to save my Piney tracks till the rains come down.