Debates: Two, Interesting Moments: Zero

Presidential debates tease like nothing else.

For all the barricades erected around Belmont, all the rallies, protests and debate parties, no one walks away from these tightly choreographed ballets having learned new dance steps from the candidates.

Even in the over-promoted town hall setting, this script could have been cobbled together from the campaign trail. With the candidates covered 24 hours a day, who expected to hear anything remotely groundbreaking?

I think we watch solely in wait of a serious fuck-up on the national stage. We know where they stand on all these issues. But will McCain go ballistic, unleash a wave of profanity and headbutt Tom Brokaw? Will Obama turn toward Mecca and lie prostate on the ground, validating the Internet garbage espoused by evangelicals everywhere?

Amazingly, none of that happened.

Do any modern debate moments resonate, especially those that don't involve Lloyd Bentsen berating Dan Quayle, Admiral Stockdale sounding like an indifferent madman or Tina Fey with a flute? Bentsen and Stockdale both died in recent years. Fake debates offer up better memories than the real events.

Anyone hyped for Hofstra at this point? I'll be in Denver, listening to the Fleet Foxes after a day of bombardment by Colorado health plans.

Let me know anything mildly dynamic goes down. My money says, "Not a chance." Wait for the rehash on Saturday Night Live, when it's actually possible to conjure some enjoyment from it.