I'm Slowly Turning Into You Pt. 1

Today, the Don't Call Me Ishmael Hero Parade shines the spotlight on the loneliest man in any office ....

I'm feeling sympathy for you, former co-worker who had to tell everyone that no one would return their calls on deadline (It isn't just one because newsrooms always have their resident complainer, who expects news to break on their desk; SNP had a whole succession of them).

Almost everyone who works in Kansas and Missouri healthcare decided that with July 4 on a Wednesday, they'd go ahead and take off the whole week. Everyone who didn't told me they'd handle my interview request this week ... while neglecting to mention their own vacation, which secretaries across the Plains have filled me in on in the meantime (check out all those prepositions ... I'm expecting the Grammar Police to deliver a Rodney King session any moment). I have 7,500 words due today, have turned in a third of it and can count the sources on one hand. I'll have to hire a mathematician to sum up all the voice mails, indifferent p.r. people and e-mails that landed in the digital dead letter office.

That's why I salute you, Mr. "Why Won't Anybody Call Me Back" Guy, because in the past two weeks, I've never felt more like you.